Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Perfectionism Stinks

Starting this blog has taken a great deal of brain power the last few days. My first real post! What should I write about? How do I want to present myself? Do I lead with the intellectual side that has, ahem, gone quite dormant since I got out of school? Or do I possibly (probably) turn away readers by going with what's become familiar to me for the last seven years?

Clock ticking.

Crickets chirping.

I got nothin'.

See, this is my problem: I am a perfectionist.

I want to do things right. That's all well and good, isn't it? However, if there is a chance that I believe I won't do it well, more often than not I simply won't do it. Oh, I tell myself I will but it just doesn't happen. There is much less self-recrimination in not getting around to doing something than there is to doing it and sucking at it. And suckage? Well it sucks, doesn't it?

It doesn't help this disease of mine that I have been reading some awesome blogs for some time now. Ones that make me sit up and PAY ATTENTION and then *gasp* actually think. Ones that make me want to dust off my keyboard and actually write something rather than simply surfing and clicking.

But then, inevitably, the same old doubt-ridden disease raises its head and we have this rather discouraging conversation:

Disease: "You know you can't write."
Me: "I know it's been a while, but I can still churn out a decent word or two."
D: "Hhmmm, let's see when was the last time you did anything scholarly?
Besides reading to the kids.
M: Blink. Blink, blink.
D: "That's what I thought."

Unfortunately I have also come across the blogs that make my eyes glaze over, because really, some of them remind me of my silly little dairy from middle school. You know the one:

"Today was a great day. Tommy looked right at me and sort of smiled and then I went hung out at Susie's house and it was really fun."

First, who cares?? Second, I am way too much of a snob to fall into that category. So seriously, I would rather not have blog unless it means something.

Even if it only means something to me.

4 Comments:

Blogger faeriebell said...

You can do it! I know getting the first one or two entries up is a challenge, but soon you'll be blogging about everything you see. Good luck!

12:37 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

What I read here is more a fear of failure than perfectionism.
You and I have known each other for a while now right? And all that time I have never known you to fail. Now don't argue - not living up to your own expectations is perfectionism, but afraid to try is fear of failure. And you are not in any way a failure. Bottom line...keep writing, chances are it will be important to someone else as well.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Sometimes the more pressure I put on myself to come up with something to write, the less productive I am. When I relax - that's when the idea hits! Good luck :-)

6:55 PM  
Blogger Brenda said...

Michael - no fair making me cry twice in the same day.

Thank you.

10:04 PM  

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